I'm probably going to get married.


You know. Years from now.


I have no problems with it. Marriage and weddings are alright in my book.


However, I have a few rules.


I don't think my father will walk me down the aisle. I am not property being given away from one man to another. Nor will the official ask "Who gives this woman away."

I highly doubt I'll take his last name. And I think I'll insist upon being called "Ms."

There will be no cake smashing-into-faces at my reception. If anyone so much touches their cake with fingers in a five-foot radius around me, I will slit their throat.

I don't foresee myself getting married in a house of worship. Maybe a temple. Never a church.

The service will not last hours. Fuck that shit.

Anyone who gets very drunk and tries to speak will be tackled to the ground. By me.

God help if there is any music I don't want to hear. Bitches will get cut.