Type thesaurus enough times and you'll start believing it's a dinosaur.

You don't want my pity but I don't know what else to give you.

Mascara smells weird.

It's late/it's early.


I slept for 6 hours.

Can't fall back asleep.


I have to work for ten hours.

So I took this test

And only two of these things are correct

TEST FOUR
You're quite open and honest, but can be introverted at times. Your father dominates you. You feel that your parents have quite a close relationship. Sex doesn't interest you one iota. You're a bit of a flirty type. Your sex drive is a bit restrained, but otherwise normal. You're not a very emotional person, but usually you keep your emotions firmly in check. You have plenty of friends, but very few (if any) that you feel close to.

How Bizarre

I'm listening to my Team Dresch station on Pandora. A riot grrl/lesbionic band from Washington state who were around in the early 90s.

And Safe as Houses plays. An indie pop band from Goshen, NY.

Hmm.

Alanis, eat your heart out

I recommend looking at bad porn to anyone.


I certainly do.

Ok.

I may be taking this a little too far.


At least I'm not on drugs.


How many Hail Marys would it take me if I were?

And now, a poem

Flashing, always on
The lights won't turn off-
my pupils constrict

I wonder

Do you appreciate what you have?

Do you take it all for granted?

Gigolo

I’m good at what I do. There’s no denying that. And doesn’t everybody say make a career doing what you love? I know way too many people who are stuck in their little cubicles from nine to five, counting the minutes until the weekend. I couldn’t live like that. Plus I doubt there are many corporations looking for my talent.

What is my talent, you ask? I’m a gigolo. I get paid to have sex with women. Beautiful, rich, older women. And they love me for it. I give them what they can’t get from their husbands. I tell them they’re beautiful. I pay attention to them. I get to be showed off to their friends. I make them feel young and desired. And the god’s honest truth: I’m not lying when I tell them any of this. I think they’re all incredible. They all get Botox injections so they don’t look as wrinkly as some of the women their age do. Plus they’ve got a lot of experience and a lot of enthusiasm since they appreciate sex much more than girls half their age. See, girls in their twenties take it all for granted. Older women really know what it’s all about.

I’m telling you, I really have it made. They take me out to eat, buy me great threads and go to these crazy expensive clubs. Like I said, they take good care of me and make sure that I’m seen by everyone. They like to get their friends really jealous, see. “Look at what I’m sleeping with. Yeah. What do you think about that?” It also confuses the younger girls to see me with my women. They hit on me all the time, trying to convince me to go home with them. Fat chance.

I guess I should tell you how this started. Well. I lost my virginity when I was 14. I was a freshman, she was a senior. And as 14-year olds go, I was good. I could tell. See, she kept coming back for more. None of this “relationship” crap. Just good ol’ sex. Our arrangement lasted about 6 weeks. She obviously blabbed to her friends like all high school girls do, and I had her two best friends asking me to sleep with them. So I did. And that was pretty great. But it did start getting kinda boring after a while. I mean, there’s only so much an 18-year old can give you. Me, on the other hand. I was like a student of love. I wanted to learn it all.

Ok. So after having sex with quite a few high school girls, my buddies tried to get me to show them how I got all those girls. I was at my friend Mark’s house after he was begging me to tell him what to say to a girl. He was on the phone with some sophomore when his mother walked into the room.
She said she had heard what Mark and I were doing. And that it wasn’t what she expected from me. And how she heard I was still really keen on learning. And that she could be a real good teacher. And would I let her show me?

Well, I didn’t have to be asked twice.

My god, it was amazing. The things she knew. The ways she could contort her body. Her beautifully sharp nails, scratching down my back…. I was hooked. Without a doubt. I knew I could never fuck an 18-year old girl again.
It didn’t last long with Marks’ mom. That’s ok. I’m forever grateful for what she gave me.

After I graduated high school, I gave college a try. Man, what a waste. I spent more time trying to get with my professors than anything else. If I slept with them, they gave me good grades. Go figure. That’s when I understood I could get nice things if I slept with them. So I put an ad on Craigslist. I promised great sex for some cash. And it worked. And I did.

It evolved from there. Eventually I got some steady clients and dropped out of college. School is about finding yourself, and why pay thousands a year when I know who I am and what I’m about?

My parents didn’t take too lightly to me dropping out. They wanted to know why. I figure why not tell them the truth. My mother cried. My father punched my jaw. I walked out of that house with my bags packed. My mom calls me on holidays, whispering on the phone that she still loves me, why don’t I reconsider everything, and all will be forgotten? I can’t do that. Would you tell a pianist to stop playing piano, just because it’s loud?

It’s ok. I’m better off now. I’ve got better people around me, that’s for sure. I’ve got beautiful women, great sex and as many pretty things as I want.

What more could I need?




********
I'll probably change how he gets shown off, since a few in class told me that seemed the most unrealistic.
Thoughts and critiques welcome.

Ok, granted, I don't know how much of this is actually true, but it's interesting. Gotta say that much.

Click me.