Goddamn Headache

In class we were given small cards of various images of people and were asked to write a monologue based on it.
This is mine.

These kids give me such a headache. I have to stay up all hours giving these damn rugrats more toys than they deserve. And do you think they're ever really satisfied? No. Give them a train set and they wish there were more pieces. Give them a toy car and they want a different colour. Give them a doll and they want more clothes. Goddamn ungrateful.
You think I like being at their beck and call? I've got such a goddamn headache. That's why you always see me with a coke bottle. Cola shmola. I'm drinkin' whiskey. Makes the pain alllll go away. Makes the kids' voices shut up, too. Goddamn kids. Goddamn never having kids and I've got my wife giving me hell for never giving her any kids. Ain't my fault we never had any. No man in his right mind would sleep with that woman. Haven't found her desirable in years. Let herself go. I think she's cheating on me, too. Goddamn elves. Always wanting more from me. More pay, more vacation time. What the hell do they need money for? They're elves in the North Pole. Where the hell'd they go?
Goddamn my head is pounding. You'd think there'd be a bottle of aspirin around here. But no. "We can't have any drugs around here," she says. "Think of the image we have," she says. "You've gotta think of the children," she says. Why the hell should I? I'm stuck in this goddamn job for the rest of my goddamn life and I've got no idea when I'm gonna die.
Goddamn headache.

I don't want this to happen to me.

Strategy

I think I've come up with a few strategies to help me not fail this semester and flunk out of college.


I'm looking forward to it.

You'd think I was doing this to myself

Things I have broken during winter break* '08-'09

• Dinner plate
• Dad's electric razor
• Plant
• Keyboard
  

I'm probably forgetting something.


*Hurrr. Pun.

I hope the ones I care about don't die off early

After not having a real conversation in probably well over a year, Max and I had (and are in the process of having)* a wonderful discussion about most everything.


I missed him.


And yes, I cried.

*We had a steady conversation for 5 hours. Wow.

A little promotion

There is absolutely no reason for everyone not to take advantage of this. (That made sense, right?)

Free Painting

It's 100% free. You pay nothing. Nothing. And you get free art. Can it get any better? I think not.

Church of the Little Green Man

Could someone please explain WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS?

And yes this exists.

Photo taken by Kelly Pfeister.

Today I taught my grandma what a double helix is.

Top that.

Well what do you know

I just found that I have a book entitled Erotic Art in my bookshelf. It was published in 1968 (or MCMLXVIII, as the book states). I've only leafed through it, but it appears to be the history of erotic art. It's got "41 Color Plates and 400 Black and White Plates."

The best part?

It belonged to my now-deceased paternal grandfather.