We'll Survive in this Self-Inflicted High

2010-08-13T19:04:00.001-04:00

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Glitter Graphics Maker & MySpace Layouts

2010-04-23T12:12:00.001-04:00

RIP this blog

lostmapskeletonkey.tumblr.com

2009-10-17T14:57:00.001-04:00

I feel like I have forgotten how to read and write. How good it feels, how necessary it is.

I think I'm getting that back.

2009-09-02T21:35:00.001-04:00

It's not often that I use this as a feminist platform. I get my feminist fix just by stumbling and giving the thumbs up to blogs or articles I feel address points well. I believe that is because it has never really impacted my life.

Things are a little different now.

A friend of mine was sexually abused by a man. He was in a sort of position of power over her. Not physically, but he was the head of a group she belonged to. He quickly filled her mind that he was right in a lot of areas and ways and that she should listen to him. And she did. She frequently adjusted her schedule to fix his needs. Eventually, this escalated to him brainwashing her, convincing her she needed to drop her friends and move in with him. Other things happened behind closed doors that I do not feel comfortable addressing here. I don't know the details, but she finally saw what a disgusting man he was and was able to leave that. She went to the University Police, the women's centre and spoke to individuals who might be able to aid her. UP said that since he was not a student on this campus, there was not a lot they could do, but she should be fine, and to contact them if that ever changed.

Tonight, that changed.

My friend received a phone call informing her that Swithun No had a night class at the same time in the same building as her. She left class early to tell UP. I walked her out of the building and a friend met her to walk her to UP. I have not been notified the actions they may be taking.

My reason for typing this up is that now I have to change the way I view attending this class. Immediately, I thought how I and my friend would have to alter things. I want to make sure she does not walk to her dorm alone. I want to make sure we wear shoes we can run in. I want to make sure we are able to run if we need to, and that there are people around us. And I have to keep an eye out for this scum if I have to.

I guess my point reflects one I read today. That she and I (mostly she) have to become almost hyperaware just walking to class. And that it is almost only women who do. Luckily, we will be walking with classmates and the walkways are lit.

My point is: Because of this piece of shit sociopathic control freak, we have to change. And not him.

Well. Fuck this.

2009-08-19T03:11:00.000-04:00

2009-08-18T02:02:00.000-04:00

I take pleasure in knowing my brother is smarter than you.

With great power, blah blah blah

2009-08-09T18:12:00.001-04:00

My dad finds great philosophies in comic book movies.

John Hughes

2009-08-08T22:43:00.001-04:00

Click me

2009-08-05T22:34:00.001-04:00

Try working with disabled kids and see how it changes your life.

I live for this shit

2009-07-30T22:44:00.001-04:00

What is the best time to eat reindeer meat?
When you're hungry.

Little things make me happy

2009-07-29T20:23:00.000-04:00

Tough Guys

2009-07-27T00:30:00.000-04:00

This was one of the best things I've read in a while.

Tough Guys

2009-07-23T17:29:00.003-04:00

I'm probably going to get married.

You know. Years from now.

I have no problems with it. Marriage and weddings are alright in my book.

However, I have a few rules.

I don't think my father will walk me down the aisle. I am not property being given away from one man to another. Nor will the official ask "Who gives this woman away."

I highly doubt I'll take his last name. And I think I'll insist upon being called "Ms."

There will be no cake smashing-into-faces at my reception. If anyone so much touches their cake with fingers in a five-foot radius around me, I will slit their throat.

I don't foresee myself getting married in a house of worship. Maybe a temple. Never a church.

The service will not last hours. Fuck that shit.

Anyone who gets very drunk and tries to speak will be tackled to the ground. By me.

God help if there is any music I don't want to hear. Bitches will get cut.

lyrics, yeah

2009-07-21T08:41:00.000-04:00

Nothing I am
Nothing I dream
Nothing is new
Nothing I think or believe in or say
Nothing is true

It used to be so easy
I never even tried
Yeah it used to be so easy...

But the last day of summer
Never felt so cold
The last day of summer
Never felt so old
Never felt so...

All that I have
All that I hold
All that is wrong
All that I feel for or trust in or love
All that is gone

It used to be so easy
I never even tried
Yeah it used to be so easy...

But the last day of summer
Never felt so cold
The last day of summer
Never felt so old
The last day of summer
Never felt so cold

Never felt so...

2009-07-11T21:27:00.000-04:00

Art is selfish.

2009-07-09T00:21:00.001-04:00

I want to have sex to music.

THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER

2009-06-30T20:44:00.001-04:00

READ THIS

2009-06-24T00:20:00.001-04:00

"If things are on the floor, you're supposed to step on them."

While I don't normally question my father's wisdom, I ask: What if there's a baby?

2009-06-22T02:38:00.001-04:00

I'm craving fall, road trips, photos, adventures, bonding, camaraderie, excitement.

Please, someone give this to me.

Pick out the truths

2009-06-15T04:43:00.002-04:00

((My apologies for those of you who are viewing this multiple times. I'm very fond of this and want to get it seen.))

You grabbed onto my love handles.
I make strange noises when I climax.
I'm always conscious of the faces I contort
so we fucked in the dark.
You almost called me baby,
but caught yourself.
There were a lot of half-cries caught in my throat.
Maybe I'll save them for the next one.
By the end of it I could feel the hairs on my legs prickle.
Razors be damned.
The used condom you tossed to the side
landed in the trash with luck, not aim.
We're sweaty and I will smell this for days.
Blowing you nearly gives me stomach aches.
We didn't have a playlist timed just right.
Thin walls- I bet the neighbours heard.
You pulled my hair too tight. I yelped.
That threw you. Our rhythm suffered.
We got back on track. Practice makes perfect.
Finally, sleep came. I didn't.
Sunlight hit my eyes.
A lazy weekend. No shower, no shower sex.
Who are we trying to impress.
You joke about taking photos.
I wonder what you would do if I told you to.
I wonder what I would do.

I link a lot

2009-06-10T21:23:00.001-04:00

http://www.gothsinhotweather.com/

Perfect is a false reality

2009-06-04T14:09:00.002-04:00

Bringing up that a person is flawed is redundant.
We're all flawed.
It's part of being human.

No such thing as perfect.

2009-06-03T00:45:00.000-04:00

Can't promise forever if you don't know what it entails.

2009-05-30T03:51:00.002-04:00

If I had a choice in the matter, I'd want my reason for being sent to hell to be lustful thoughts, especially during religious services.

Make a note of that, God.

2009-05-28T21:16:00.001-04:00

Denim skirts need to be eradicated.

2009-05-23T11:41:00.001-04:00

All of my good ideas belong to someone else.

With age comes better presents

2009-05-17T23:35:00.002-04:00

I am infinitely glad my friends and I have grown out of the "giving shitty body sprays and lotions sets" as gifts.

I have thrown out so much product.

Pearls on a plate

2009-05-04T01:10:00.000-04:00

What's to tell you
when normal comes naturally?
Fleshy webbing
Rots separate, yet so alive
They found holes inside
We've got holes inside
Sights so awful
They stole the colour from your hair
They found holes inside
Grubs in muscle
It sends a chill right up my spine
They found holes inside

2009-05-03T22:54:00.001-04:00

I don't know why, but "orphan" feels like an archaic term.

Sister

2009-05-01T16:43:00.000-04:00

You better lie down cause the angels are watching
She closed her eyes and said quit the talking
You can hurt me do whatever you like
She crossed herself now the moments are missing
You can hurt me do whatever you like

2009-04-29T17:36:00.003-04:00

I don't mind the Web site. I think it's funny and worthwhile.
But everyone needs to stop writing or saying "Eff Emm Ell" after every mediocre thing that happens to them.

Grow some fucking balls.

Life sucks and then you die.

Get it?

2009-04-28T00:45:00.001-04:00

I told my brother he's not allowed to get a beer gut until middle age.
I hope he appreciates me looking out for him.

We're in the business of repeating ourselves

2009-04-24T21:36:00.003-04:00

June 18, 2008

Feel like you're afraid to sleep and you want a partner/a victim/a criminal to stay up with you all night and they'll drag you down you'll drag yourselves down together and it'll be the tragic romance you've always wanted and now that you're here what have you got you ruined somebody else's life just because you're afraid of loneliness and even more of change.
But go ahead and hide from the fight because it's those bright lights that'll shine right down on you and show the world your problems you've locked away so secretly, despite the holes in the box and the cracks and the leaks, so there's nothing left when you open it.

Sentence structure and grammar mean nothing to me sometimes.

2009-04-24T17:05:00.001-04:00

My delusions of grandeur consist of hoping for a full night of sleep that actually takes place during the night.

Fake

2009-04-20T02:56:00.001-04:00

I fake attention, she fakes orgasms.

Listen

2009-04-20T02:03:00.000-04:00

2009-04-19T22:42:00.002-04:00

I'm blinded by sunrise.
There's light in your dark eyes.

2009-04-17T22:40:00.000-04:00

What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.

2009-04-16T08:12:00.001-04:00

"And tonight I am going to murder a man I do not hate, for the sake of a woman I do not love."

Akutagawa

2009-04-16T06:04:00.001-04:00

Reading this girl's work is like a drug.
I want to inject her into my veins.

2009-04-14T02:43:00.001-04:00

Why can't things be solved with time-outs and hugs anymore?

I have a new favourite Web site

2009-04-09T18:56:00.001-04:00

http://www.oldjewstellingjokes.com/

It is everything you could want.
And more.

2009-04-07T02:54:00.002-04:00

Dear Mistah Thom,
Thank you for giving me wonderful assignments that have me write ridiculous things in the guise of education.
I will miss you terribly when these classes are through.

A student’s tale

“Stop kissing or I’ll puke,” Deliah warned. “And you know the bathroom is dirty and smells like sweat.”

“This house isn’t big enough for the seven of us. You’re naked all the time and there isn’t enough cloth to cover everyone,” Luca replied.

“Your words make me sad. I’m going to continue digging my hole underground.”

“Wait, don’t go,” Luca pleaded. “Meet me tonight, for I wish to speak with you in the graveyard.” His eyes were full of lust.

“Terminate osculation or I will vomit,” Deliah warned. “And you’re aware the lavatory is soiled and smells like perspiration.”

“This mansion isn’t large enough for the seven of us. You’re nude all the time and there isn’t enough fabric to cover everyone,” Luca retorted.

“Your cruel words make me solemn. I am going to continue digging my cavity in the subterrane.”

“Wait, do not leave,” Luca pleaded. “Encounter me tonight, for I wish to communicate with you in the cemetery.” His eyes were full of concupiscence.

Green-eyed monster

2009-04-07T00:46:00.001-04:00

I don't handle jealousy well.

Not at all.

Not at all.

2009-04-06T12:22:00.001-04:00

I stumbled Emilie Autumn's Web site.

Cute.

everything from experience

2009-04-06T00:30:00.003-04:00

I wish I could give you all my secrets,
but that's a lot to ask one person.
(I think I could handle it.)

2009-04-05T16:20:00.001-04:00

I love my subconscious.
It gives me funny dreams.

heysup I write things

2009-04-01T02:26:00.001-04:00

Y'all* should read this.
Because I wrote it.

Editorial

*No, I didn't just write "y'all." What are you talking about?

Bad poetry? Oh noetry!

2009-03-29T02:01:00.002-04:00

yeah whatever

i saw a tree the leaves fell and bounced and blew in the wind and water fell from the sky as a breeze pushed my hair and it was then that i was ok with dying

blah blah blah blah poetry SUCKS

ill tell you what mine meant

it mean that poetry is a bunch of pretentious bullshit

id rather read obituaries all day

So sayeth Ryan McPherson.

2009-03-28T23:57:00.004-04:00

I defy you to look at this Web site and not shout "yes!" about something on almost each page.

http://onceuponawin.com/

At the very least, I'm drinking more tea

2009-03-26T23:48:00.003-04:00

I love writers.
I love how pretentious they are, and how they occasionally twee.
I love hearing them explain their motives and reasons and excuses in class.
And I love how elitist we get when we're in the same room.

It is intoxicating and I. Love. It.

2009-03-25T03:02:00.001-04:00

I'm fairly certain my view on sex and my fascination with sex workers are at least a little related.

2009-03-22T01:26:00.000-04:00

This shit is just creepy.

http://blog.templates.com/robots-people-striking-3d-perspective/

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?

2009-03-20T01:24:00.000-04:00

http://www.dancefloordale.com/

Another lesson learned

2009-03-14T02:32:00.001-04:00

I don't like sleeping when there is no one else in the vicinity.

I just need to know there is someone in the other room.

2009-03-13T16:10:00.000-04:00

This shit gets my blood boiling.

http://bitchmagazine.org/post/10-ways-to-subtly-want-to-puke-all-over-askmencom

2009-03-09T02:04:00.001-04:00

Do you ever get random good moods?
Despite it being 2 in the morning and you have to get up at 8:30?
Despite the fact that you have to read 30 pages?
Despite the fact that you will be working until 1?
Despite the fact that you have a story and a paper to write after work?
Despite the fact that you nearly failed a paper, and consequently, a course, and you have to redo it to pass? And you forget the due date?
Despite the fact that not many things are going specifically well?

I think it's the song.

2009-03-08T21:59:00.001-04:00

I don't like the idea of getting older.

What?

2009-03-07T14:26:00.002-05:00

2009-03-06T09:23:00.001-05:00

I cannot wait to collapse on my bed after 6 tonight.

There's a good chance I will nap between 1:30 and 3:40.

My scholastic life is so fucked up.

I keep thinking mom is right.

"When you take a breath, that's God Twittering"

2009-03-03T01:16:00.004-05:00

Tonight, Amanda told me my article was decent, and that I'd probably develop into a good journalist, complimented my Photoshop skills and said I have a good eye for detail and that I will probably become a good designer.
She also asked me, specifically, to do Photoshop stuff on other pages.

And she complimented the horoscopes, of which I wrote all. She said they seemed real.

I feel incredibly pleased and validated.

Possibly my best work-Monday yet.

Twittahhhh

2009-03-02T00:54:00.001-05:00

I'm IM-ing my mother right now on Skype.

She also has a Twitter account, and she and my best friend follow each other.

I love my life.

2009-02-26T08:52:00.000-05:00

Type thesaurus enough times and you'll start believing it's a dinosaur.

2009-02-26T00:19:00.001-05:00

You don't want my pity but I don't know what else to give you.

2009-02-25T17:53:00.000-05:00

Mascara smells weird.

2009-02-23T04:27:00.001-05:00

It's late/it's early.

I slept for 6 hours.

Can't fall back asleep.

I have to work for ten hours.

So I took this test

2009-02-16T02:15:00.000-05:00

And only two of these things are correct

TEST FOUR
You're quite open and honest, but can be introverted at times. Your father dominates you. You feel that your parents have quite a close relationship. Sex doesn't interest you one iota. You're a bit of a flirty type. Your sex drive is a bit restrained, but otherwise normal. You're not a very emotional person, but usually you keep your emotions firmly in check. You have plenty of friends, but very few (if any) that you feel close to.

How Bizarre

2009-02-11T00:55:00.003-05:00

I'm listening to my Team Dresch station on Pandora. A riot grrl/lesbionic band from Washington state who were around in the early 90s.

And Safe as Houses plays. An indie pop band from Goshen, NY.

Hmm.

Alanis, eat your heart out

2009-02-10T08:21:00.002-05:00

I recommend looking at bad porn to anyone.

I certainly do.

2009-02-09T05:17:00.001-05:00

Ok.

I may be taking this a little too far.

At least I'm not on drugs.

How many Hail Marys would it take me if I were?

And now, a poem

2009-02-08T01:24:00.002-05:00

Flashing, always on
The lights won't turn off-
my pupils constrict

I wonder

2009-02-06T22:26:00.001-05:00

Do you appreciate what you have?

Do you take it all for granted?

Gigolo

2009-02-05T22:09:00.002-05:00

I’m good at what I do. There’s no denying that. And doesn’t everybody say make a career doing what you love? I know way too many people who are stuck in their little cubicles from nine to five, counting the minutes until the weekend. I couldn’t live like that. Plus I doubt there are many corporations looking for my talent.

What is my talent, you ask? I’m a gigolo. I get paid to have sex with women. Beautiful, rich, older women. And they love me for it. I give them what they can’t get from their husbands. I tell them they’re beautiful. I pay attention to them. I get to be showed off to their friends. I make them feel young and desired. And the god’s honest truth: I’m not lying when I tell them any of this. I think they’re all incredible. They all get Botox injections so they don’t look as wrinkly as some of the women their age do. Plus they’ve got a lot of experience and a lot of enthusiasm since they appreciate sex much more than girls half their age. See, girls in their twenties take it all for granted. Older women really know what it’s all about.

I’m telling you, I really have it made. They take me out to eat, buy me great threads and go to these crazy expensive clubs. Like I said, they take good care of me and make sure that I’m seen by everyone. They like to get their friends really jealous, see. “Look at what I’m sleeping with. Yeah. What do you think about that?” It also confuses the younger girls to see me with my women. They hit on me all the time, trying to convince me to go home with them. Fat chance.

I guess I should tell you how this started. Well. I lost my virginity when I was 14. I was a freshman, she was a senior. And as 14-year olds go, I was good. I could tell. See, she kept coming back for more. None of this “relationship” crap. Just good ol’ sex. Our arrangement lasted about 6 weeks. She obviously blabbed to her friends like all high school girls do, and I had her two best friends asking me to sleep with them. So I did. And that was pretty great. But it did start getting kinda boring after a while. I mean, there’s only so much an 18-year old can give you. Me, on the other hand. I was like a student of love. I wanted to learn it all.

Ok. So after having sex with quite a few high school girls, my buddies tried to get me to show them how I got all those girls. I was at my friend Mark’s house after he was begging me to tell him what to say to a girl. He was on the phone with some sophomore when his mother walked into the room.
She said she had heard what Mark and I were doing. And that it wasn’t what she expected from me. And how she heard I was still really keen on learning. And that she could be a real good teacher. And would I let her show me?

Well, I didn’t have to be asked twice.

My god, it was amazing. The things she knew. The ways she could contort her body. Her beautifully sharp nails, scratching down my back…. I was hooked. Without a doubt. I knew I could never fuck an 18-year old girl again.
It didn’t last long with Marks’ mom. That’s ok. I’m forever grateful for what she gave me.

After I graduated high school, I gave college a try. Man, what a waste. I spent more time trying to get with my professors than anything else. If I slept with them, they gave me good grades. Go figure. That’s when I understood I could get nice things if I slept with them. So I put an ad on Craigslist. I promised great sex for some cash. And it worked. And I did.

It evolved from there. Eventually I got some steady clients and dropped out of college. School is about finding yourself, and why pay thousands a year when I know who I am and what I’m about?

My parents didn’t take too lightly to me dropping out. They wanted to know why. I figure why not tell them the truth. My mother cried. My father punched my jaw. I walked out of that house with my bags packed. My mom calls me on holidays, whispering on the phone that she still loves me, why don’t I reconsider everything, and all will be forgotten? I can’t do that. Would you tell a pianist to stop playing piano, just because it’s loud?

It’s ok. I’m better off now. I’ve got better people around me, that’s for sure. I’ve got beautiful women, great sex and as many pretty things as I want.

What more could I need?

********
I'll probably change how he gets shown off, since a few in class told me that seemed the most unrealistic.
Thoughts and critiques welcome.

2009-02-03T01:43:00.001-05:00

Ok, granted, I don't know how much of this is actually true, but it's interesting. Gotta say that much.

Click me.

Goddamn Headache

2009-01-29T14:34:00.002-05:00

In class we were given small cards of various images of people and were asked to write a monologue based on it.
This is mine.

These kids give me such a headache. I have to stay up all hours giving these damn rugrats more toys than they deserve. And do you think they're ever really satisfied? No. Give them a train set and they wish there were more pieces. Give them a toy car and they want a different colour. Give them a doll and they want more clothes. Goddamn ungrateful.
You think I like being at their beck and call? I've got such a goddamn headache. That's why you always see me with a coke bottle. Cola shmola. I'm drinkin' whiskey. Makes the pain alllll go away. Makes the kids' voices shut up, too. Goddamn kids. Goddamn never having kids and I've got my wife giving me hell for never giving her any kids. Ain't my fault we never had any. No man in his right mind would sleep with that woman. Haven't found her desirable in years. Let herself go. I think she's cheating on me, too. Goddamn elves. Always wanting more from me. More pay, more vacation time. What the hell do they need money for? They're elves in the North Pole. Where the hell'd they go?
Goddamn my head is pounding. You'd think there'd be a bottle of aspirin around here. But no. "We can't have any drugs around here," she says. "Think of the image we have," she says. "You've gotta think of the children," she says. Why the hell should I? I'm stuck in this goddamn job for the rest of my goddamn life and I've got no idea when I'm gonna die.
Goddamn headache.

2009-01-28T06:11:00.001-05:00

I don't want this to happen to me.

Strategy

2009-01-25T02:39:00.001-05:00

I think I've come up with a few strategies to help me not fail this semester and flunk out of college.

I'm looking forward to it.

You'd think I was doing this to myself

2009-01-21T15:48:00.002-05:00

Things I have broken during winter break* '08-'09

Dinner plate
Dad's electric razor
Plant
Keyboard

I'm probably forgetting something.

*Hurrr. Pun.

I hope the ones I care about don't die off early

2009-01-19T03:23:00.003-05:00

After not having a real conversation in probably well over a year, Max and I had ~~(and are in the process of having)~~* a wonderful discussion about most everything.

I missed him.

And yes, I cried.

*We had a steady conversation for 5 hours. Wow.

A little promotion

2009-01-13T16:18:00.002-05:00

There is absolutely no reason for everyone not to take advantage of this. (That made sense, right?)

Free Painting

It's 100% free. You pay nothing. Nothing. And you get free art. Can it get any better? I think not.

Church of the Little Green Man

2009-01-11T18:32:00.003-05:00

Could someone please explain WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS?

And yes this exists.

Photo taken by Kelly Pfeister.

2009-01-10T05:45:00.000-05:00

Today I taught my grandma what a double helix is.

Top that.

Well what do you know

2009-01-06T18:33:00.002-05:00

I just found that I have a book entitled Erotic Art in my bookshelf. It was published in 1968 (or MCMLXVIII, as the book states). I've only leafed through it, but it appears to be the history of erotic art. It's got "41 Color Plates and 400 Black and White Plates."

The best part?

It belonged to my now-deceased paternal grandfather.